Okay... so 'grand finale' is not the best description but nevertheless 2010 is drawing to an end, with a few hours left for this year. Big picture wise, the year has been memorable, kicking off 2010 being engaged to Ed & ending the year finishing my studies.
2011 will officially be the period of transition but this year has been a preparation year for what's to come.
Premarital counselling / marriage classes has been one of the highlights of the year. A few of the things that has stuck are: the triangle, God's design is for the wife to submit to her husband and that involves giving Ed room to lead me, I am his helper - as the Holy Spirit is called a Helper and guides us and points us to Jesus so I need to be to Ed a helper. Honesty at all time in the marriage is essential. I am beginning to see how much more God will refine us both after we are married. Already a few things this year have sort of surfaced and hinted on the reality of marriage.
After a difficult 2009 for the family, mum & dad have been slowly working towards being more independent and living life as a couple. The other day I was thinking to myself, 28 years of marriage but still very young. The number of years you are married is likened to the age of a person. So, for them 28 years... adult but still a young adult. As for Ed & I... just a feotus at this stage. Yet to see the 'world'. This has been a good year of getting to know Ed's family... or my family-to-be. Very thankful to God for his parents and their acceptance of me.
I have officially resigned as treasurer after 4 years of ministry to Cabramatta Baptist, although still waiting for God to raise up someone to take on the role. I am thankful that God put me in a very loving and supportive church. However, after a few years in treasury, I found that it has become quite a 'chore'. There is always some paperwork that needs to be done and eventually I found that I had really miss the people contact. Next year will be challenging and exciting all at the same time as Ed & I invest our time in people. I am not really sure how and in what capacity God will use me but simply wanting to be able to say like the prophet Isaiah, "Here am I, send me". Well, I think one of the challenges ahead for me is seeing how I can be a helper and a partner all at the same time to Ed. I pray that I won't be frustrated if I feel like I am lacking in anyway but to be a woman of strength and be fervent in prayer as I bring my weakness to the foot of the cross.
Work has been okay... up and down but in the end of the day it is a job. I have declined in my 'performance' towards the end of the year. My desire is to work faithfully and be a good testimony but that has not been the case. I am lacking motivation. Not sure if God's opening a door or a window for the job in the school but nevertheless He knows best.
I don't think I have grown much spiritually this year. Not declining, just in a steady state. My mind has been so preoccupied all the time. It has been a busy year for me personally. 1/2 of the year (26 weeks) has been taken up with studies and leaves the rest for family, ministry and spending time with others. About a month ago, I woke up in a shocked and sad state. A voice was telling me that I have stopped praying and that I don't love Jesus as I should. I guess it is the Holy Spirit rebuking me. My heart was heavy. For the New Year, I pray that the Holy Spirit will fall afresh on me and that I will really get back into God's word and be more fervent in prayer.
I finished off 2010 being really tired - so tired I feel dysfunctional sometimes. I guess it is because I have so much to do at home yet (paperwork, accounts, etc) After spending a whole day at work, I crave people contact and relaxation when I come home and really struggle to get myself to do anything at all. One thing that is highlighted here is that I lack self-discipline since it is not that I don't have the capacity to that that, I just didn't want to. Need to be more disciplined next year and be wiser in the way I spend my time.
That's it for another year gone. Much to look forward to in 2011 and to be stretched, grow and molded in all areas of my life.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
It's a struggle
Struggle...
Currently undergoing testing - Will I work faithfully even if it is unfair? Will I obey God's commandments to love my 'enemies'? And, how important is material wealth to me?
Romans 7: 18-19
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.c]"> For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
It is a spiritual battle each day... & today, I lost. By my own strength I fought and lost. My humanly desires were to strong to resist. Tomorrow I will rise up again to a brand new day and give the Spirit control over my mind, my words and my actions.
Currently undergoing testing - Will I work faithfully even if it is unfair? Will I obey God's commandments to love my 'enemies'? And, how important is material wealth to me?
Romans 7: 18-19
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.c]"> For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
It is a spiritual battle each day... & today, I lost. By my own strength I fought and lost. My humanly desires were to strong to resist. Tomorrow I will rise up again to a brand new day and give the Spirit control over my mind, my words and my actions.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Premarital counseling
One might ask, "What does your premarital counseling have anything to do with your journey in finding out God's plans for you?"
There is, and in fact everything to do with mission and calling!
This is my calling whatever I do, wherever I go. Though my core identity is found in Christ, what flows from that then is a desire to give Him glory. A marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church. As Christ loved the church and died for the church, so must the husband love his wife, and be willing to die for her. This sacrificial love commands obedience and respect, and wives are called to respect their husbands. Quite amazing to think that we are to live to this standard in marriage.
Last week in Session #3 of the premarital counselling, CS went through conflict resolution. I personally thought it was more about conflict-free than conflict resolution.
We talked about what seem to be the most common catalyst for conflict: In-laws, finance & children. Ed & I really praise God that we are both loved and accepted by both sets of parents... and have developed good relationship with our parents-to-be
Then we talk about Christian love and what we value in our marriage is what we will strive to protect. For example, if we value obedience to God's word then we will seek to want to put the interest of the other person before ourselves, we will have integrity in our word, we will forgive... because that is what God commands of us. That by itself, is what will keep 2 sinful, selfish people together in a marriage.
3 important things to keep in mind: Empathy, Commitment & Action
- If we won't seek to empathise, we will not understand why the other other is sad, angry, happy, disappointed
- Loving feelings could die, but commitment does not. There is no ground for divorce in the Bible except for affairs (& even if that, the gospel message is one of forgiveness). Marriage is a lifelong commitment
- Love demands action "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." James 2:17
It dawned on me that our marriage will be a living testimony of Christ and the church. This is my mission - to be found in Christ and to be the wife to Ed as He calls me to :)
There is, and in fact everything to do with mission and calling!
This is my calling whatever I do, wherever I go. Though my core identity is found in Christ, what flows from that then is a desire to give Him glory. A marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church. As Christ loved the church and died for the church, so must the husband love his wife, and be willing to die for her. This sacrificial love commands obedience and respect, and wives are called to respect their husbands. Quite amazing to think that we are to live to this standard in marriage.
Last week in Session #3 of the premarital counselling, CS went through conflict resolution. I personally thought it was more about conflict-free than conflict resolution.
We talked about what seem to be the most common catalyst for conflict: In-laws, finance & children. Ed & I really praise God that we are both loved and accepted by both sets of parents... and have developed good relationship with our parents-to-be
Then we talk about Christian love and what we value in our marriage is what we will strive to protect. For example, if we value obedience to God's word then we will seek to want to put the interest of the other person before ourselves, we will have integrity in our word, we will forgive... because that is what God commands of us. That by itself, is what will keep 2 sinful, selfish people together in a marriage.
3 important things to keep in mind: Empathy, Commitment & Action
- If we won't seek to empathise, we will not understand why the other other is sad, angry, happy, disappointed
- Loving feelings could die, but commitment does not. There is no ground for divorce in the Bible except for affairs (& even if that, the gospel message is one of forgiveness). Marriage is a lifelong commitment
- Love demands action "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." James 2:17
It dawned on me that our marriage will be a living testimony of Christ and the church. This is my mission - to be found in Christ and to be the wife to Ed as He calls me to :)
- - - - - The power of the gospel transforms us to be like Jesus - - - - -
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The beginning...
Who am I?
Precious daughter of the King. I am a sinner saved by grace and have been temporarily placed on earth to do good works while I await eternity with God.
25 years and 9 months old at this moment in time. I am of Malaysian upbringing but now an Australian; eldest daughter in a family of four - dad, mum & a younger sister. God then brought along into my life a wonderful man with a beautiful and sensitive heart to Him. We have been engaged now for 7 plus months and are very much enjoying our betrothal, though we both look forward to marriage.
Why am I here?
Finding my mission heart is a written journey to discover if overseas mission is really God's will for us. Though geography should not really matter... the idea of overseas sparks insecurity within me. The difference is overseas mission requires us to leave everything behind, uprooting the family and planting ourselves in unfamiliar and sometimes difficult environments. We will live day to day as full time gospel workers while trusting God for His provision and strength to endure persecution. As we pray about this in the coming days, months, years - however long it takes - I want this to be my space to express my feelings, challenges laid before me (& Ed), encouragements from God/others, and would be great to read the potter's work on this lump of clay (me).
What is my ultimate goal?
For as long as I can remember, I have always imagined my life to be simple, typical: I get a degree, I work hard, I meet a guy who loves Jesus, we get married, we raise a godly family, we grow old, we face death. It is 'normal' and we will still be serving God by being good children, an honourable wife, loving mother, caring friend, faithful worker etc.
Just because I have always dreamed that life will be like that, it doesn't mean I continue to pursue that. My ultimate goal is to honour God in obedience. So, if it means finding out whether overseas mission is His plan for me, let it be so.
Precious daughter of the King. I am a sinner saved by grace and have been temporarily placed on earth to do good works while I await eternity with God.
1 Peter 2:9-12
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
Why am I here?
Finding my mission heart is a written journey to discover if overseas mission is really God's will for us. Though geography should not really matter... the idea of overseas sparks insecurity within me. The difference is overseas mission requires us to leave everything behind, uprooting the family and planting ourselves in unfamiliar and sometimes difficult environments. We will live day to day as full time gospel workers while trusting God for His provision and strength to endure persecution. As we pray about this in the coming days, months, years - however long it takes - I want this to be my space to express my feelings, challenges laid before me (& Ed), encouragements from God/others, and would be great to read the potter's work on this lump of clay (me).
What is my ultimate goal?
For as long as I can remember, I have always imagined my life to be simple, typical: I get a degree, I work hard, I meet a guy who loves Jesus, we get married, we raise a godly family, we grow old, we face death. It is 'normal' and we will still be serving God by being good children, an honourable wife, loving mother, caring friend, faithful worker etc.
Just because I have always dreamed that life will be like that, it doesn't mean I continue to pursue that. My ultimate goal is to honour God in obedience. So, if it means finding out whether overseas mission is His plan for me, let it be so.
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